Mother’s wound is an unconscious pain and shame transmitted from mother to child. Our mothers have the biggest impact on the mechanisms of dealing, core beliefs and ourselves. Their resolved injury became our own. Mother’s wound affects us in different ways:
- Self -talking self -criticism (the inner voice of the mother was injured)
- The shame of the body (the way our mother talks about our body, we feel the same about ourselves)
- Chronic comparison (see how you measure with others often lead to shame)
- Inability to trust or feel close to other women
- The disadvantage of romantic partners, fear of being abandoned, we have to push people away or avoid certain connections.
- A belief that we only deserve or valid if we play the role of caregivers, successful people and reconciliation people
- Hesitated and self -destroyed ourselves, as a means to hold small or accepted for the role we feel we have to close
Both girls and boys can experience her mother’s wound, but most girls often bring her mother’s wound. In patriarchal societies, mothers can easily pass on their mother’s wound to their daughter. Women with inner stereotypes have taken women to citizens to the second -class citizen that is more likely to convey these beliefs consciously or unconsciously to their daughter. Mother’s wound is not a specific diagnosis. We know that the belief that a mother is instilled in childhood positively affects not only the present of the child but also their future relationships. On the other hand, a child who has a mother’s wound is most likely to maintain this relationship with her child. These negative feelings can lead to-
- Low self -esteem
- Lack of awareness of emotions
- Unable to soothe
- Feeling that warm and nourishing relationships are not at your fingertips
It will be very convenient and easy if we can blame all our errors and failures to our mothers. But it will not be honest. And that’s because we all have a gift of choice. We can choose to take steps to heal our mother’s wounds and to ensure that we do not pass this damage to our children. It was a challenging journey, but it was the beginning of the empowerment. How to start healing mother’s wounds
- Awareness of the frequency you seek the approval and confirmation of your mother
- Allow yourself to see your mother a human and not a super mother. A person with his own wound and the pain has not been resolved.
- Practice healthy boundaries
- Practice and priority to take care of themselves: Many of our mothers do not know how to meet their own needs, which means we need to start learning our own meetings.
- Start telling yourself as a wise and loving mother you wish you have (especially important when you feel scared, active or defensive)
- Write a list of qualities and characteristics that make you unique or you love yourself
- Place it in the mirror in your room or bathroom and read it for yourself every morning
- Write a letter to your inner child, admit how you wish you were loved, heard and seen by her
- Connect with people who make you feel like you are true, true
- Knowing that you can love your mother and also have contradictory emotions, private thoughts about her sadness around her past experiences. This is not a betrayal.
Author: Sana Rubiyana, Consultant Psychologist, Fortis Hospital, Richmond Street, Bengaluru
